another day of reflection, mostly feeling anxious, and then just tired.  Decision made, but not executed.  I am prideful, so hate to leave a mess, hate the thought of being judged.  Just realized I wrote hate twice.  A word I rarely use, but I used it about, or against myself.  But it really goes back to pride.  I need approval, she did a good job, she was great, blah blah blah.
I will quit my job tomorrow.  I will go in early, before anyone else, and clean up, and leave notes and all that.  Pack a few of my personal belongings and lock the door on my way out. I know a lot about abuse, about power and relationships, and I never thought I would struggle to understand I am in an abusive relationship with my boss.  I want to find reasons, and understand, and support, and wrap around and ... and... and..
thankfully, I have self respect.  I laid in my bed and realized I don't need this shit.  for real. I am torn apart, my instinct is to fix, mend, heal.  And I am a fucking mess.  So time to pull the plug.  not my monkeys, not my zoo.
So in the morning I will go in very early, put some things in order, and leave my letter of resignation.  and I am done.

and, when a door closes, another opens...
soup kitchen here I come!